Your Shaman Can’t Save You, Your Cats Can
Sitting with the shaman in the yoga shala.
It is incredible how much of our personal power and agency we give away to people who do not deserve them.
The Chaos Vortex
If you find yourself constantly looped into chaos, drama and unhealthy relationship dynamics, it’s probably just you, not them. I know it’s difficult to hear, and I feel you, because I used to be in that place where chaos finds me all the time. It's possible that you have never learnt to love in a profound and controlled emotional state if you only feel alive in "complicated" or "intense" and "electric" relationships. So you keep ‘agreeing’ to settle into situationships that break you down and deepen your unhealed trauma from the past.
Why we always reframe ‘complicated’ as rare, unique and powerful when it’s really just toxicity
We’ve been told that romance must be earth-shattering or that sparks must fly for it to qualify as a worthy story in our love narrative. So it’s understandable that we project these expectations onto the world, embracing the passionate, chaotic, and often toxic (inconsistent) energies we subject ourselves to.
So we keep magnetising the same people who reflect us. And we accept their lack of accountability and boundaries as normal because we don’t set them ourselves either. In truth, we enable them to abuse us.
And so the loop of repeated patterns of unhealthy relationships continues. It’s the simple way in which manifestation works. When you start looking for deceptive “big” romances and “complicated” entanglements, you tend to unconsciously filter for them and seek them out more. Their energy becomes familiar, attractive and desirable because it mirrors our state of dysregulation, where we're out of sync with our somatic and emotional states. Their wounded attachment to us makes us feel desired and wanted.
What relationships we allow ourselves to enter reflect our inner states. If we’re empty and broken on the inside, we seek out trauma bonding to obtain validation, acceptance and solidification of the identity we’ve held on to about ourselves. We look for people who share similar pain, trauma, unpredictability and a lack of grounded stability. You will notice that they are always in a pinch, in a situation, or in trouble of some sort, almost taking pride in themselves for being in a constant state of flux.
It’s important to pause
If you find yourself drawn into platonic or other relationships of this nature, here's a gentle reminder to think twice before entering the next "dramatic" or "complex" relationship.
Ask yourself if this friendship or relationship will truly elevate the quality of your life, body, and soul. Ask if this person can sit with you in peaceful solitude and mutual acceptance in the midst of your everyday life. Find out if this person genuinely loves every aspect of you and sees you for who you are.
You deserve to build your relationship or friendship from a place of safety, deep love and acceptance.
Don’t settle for anything less.
People can only meet you where they are at, not where they ideally should be at, and not where you’re at.
Don’t get into a toxic relationship expecting a happy ending. If they are not ready now, they may never be ready.
Take responsibility for your own life, and don’t outsource your happiness to someone else.
Surround yourself with encounters, energies and people who uplift you.
Finding the right tribe takes time, but it’s worth it.
It does not mean you live in solitary confinement, but it means you operate from a place of discernment where the boundaries you set reflect the respect you know you deserve. 🪷
If you find yourself to be over-reliant on your teacher/mentor/shaman, know that you have the agency to heal yourself, to make better (or different) choices, to live a full multi-dimensional existence.
Your deepest inner work happens in the mundane and not in the mystical, it’s in the kitchen when you prepare food, in the way you care for your body, in how you react to triggers and how you choose to carry yourself in your relationship and work.