Emotional Dysregulation: It’s You, Not Them 🧘🏻♀️
A doodle of yogi surrounded by other yoginis who share the complementary energetic field.
It is incredible how much of our personal power and agency we give away to people who do not deserve them.
The Chaos Vortex
If you find yourself constantly looped into chaos, drama and unhealthy relationship dynamics, it’s probably all you, not them. I know it’s difficult to hear, and I feel you, because I used to be in that place where chaos finds me all the time. If you only feel alive when the relationship is ‘complicated’, or the attraction is ‘intense’ and ‘electric’, then it is very possible that you’ve never learned to love in a deep and regulated emotional state. So you keep ‘agreeing’ to settle into situationship that breaks you down and deepen your unhealed trauma from the past.
Why we always reframe ‘complicated’ as rare, unique and powerful when it’s really just toxicity
We’ve been told that romance has to be earth shattering and that sparks must fly for it to be a worthy story in our love narrative so it’s understandable that we’ve projected that expectations out into the world - the passionate, chaotic and often times toxic (inconsistent) energies we subject ourselves to.
So we keep magnetising the same people who reflect us. And we accept their lack of accountability and boundaries as normalised because we don’t set the boundaries ourselves either. In truth, we enable them to abuse us.
And so the loop of repeated patterns of unhealthy relationships continues. It’s the simple way in which manifestation work. When you start looking for deceptive ‘big’ romances and ‘complicated’ entanglements, you tend to unconsciously filter for them and seek them out more. Their energy becomes familiar, attractive and desirable because it mirrors our state of dysregulation, where we’re out of sync with our somatic and emotional states. Their wounded attachment to us make us feel desired and wanted.
What relationships we allow ourselves to enter into, reflects our inner state. If we’re empty and broken on the inside, we seek out trauma bonding to find validation, acceptance and confirmation of the identity we’ve held on to about ourselves. We tend to look for people who share similar pain, trauma, unpredictability and lack of grounded, long term stability.
You will notice that they are always in a pinch, in a ‘situationship’ or in some trouble of sorts, almost priding themselves on being in a constant state of flux.
It’s important to pause
So here’s a gentle note for you if you find yourself being pulled into such relationships (platonic or otherwise); pause before jumping into the next ‘dramatic’ and ‘complex’ relationship.
Ask if this friendship or relationship will truly elevate the quality of your life, body , mind and soul. Ask if this the person is able to sit with you in tranquil quietude, and in mutual respect and inspiration in the daily routines of life. Ask if this person truly sees you for who you are, and loves every bit of it.
You deserve to build your relationship or friendship from a place of safety, deep love and acceptance.
Don’t settle for anything less.
People can only meet you where they are at, not where they ideally should be at, and not where you’re at.
Don’t get into a toxic relationship expecting for a happy ending. If they are not ready now, they may never be ready.
Take responsibility for your own life, and don’t outsource your happiness to someone else.
Surround yourself with encounters, energies and people who uplift you.
Finding the right tribe takes time, but it’s worth it.
It does not mean you live in solitary confinements, but it means you operate from a place of discernment where the boundaries you set, reflect the respect you know you deserve 🪷